Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
