Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
