my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
