He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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