Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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