I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
