Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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