woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
