Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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