I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
