i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
