So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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