So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
