You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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