do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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