Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
