can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
