mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
