her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize