Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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