This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
