My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I forget how to act sober
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
