At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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