She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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