i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
