oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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