i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
