i barfeds in our rink
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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