My first STD was from a foam party
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
