I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
