If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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