You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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