**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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