it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
