Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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