took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
