nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
