It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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