i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
