It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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