Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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