Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They took my balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
