i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
