what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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