RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
