it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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