The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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