what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will pee on everything he values.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
PANTIES FOUND
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