So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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