Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
